Do you ever feel like you don’t truly fit in, like, anywhere?
- All the fucking time.
Round peg /square hole syndrome….
I think I have been a round peg attempting to fit into square holes for the last thirty three years; I am exhausted by the effort now.
Even when it appears to the untrained eye that I have adapted and slotted in rather well, I feel the gaps. I feel how I am not snugly encased in my hole.
I am also acutely aware of all the times when I have suddenly morphed into a square peg only to discover that I am not even able to penetrate the now round hole I am attempting to infiltrate.
And I know that I am not alone in feeling this way.
There are a plethora of articles written on this very topic. Many conclude that the reason behind not felling as though we belong (or ‘fit’) is due to being out of alignment with our unique truth.
Truth is not universal.
Stephanie Zamora penned a beautiful quote;
Whatever makes you different, that’s exactly who you’re here to be, not someone that “fits” with everyone else.
Dr Suess promoted the same sentiments.
Being different ought to be embraced and celebrated.
I think most would agree. Yet not fitting in is still ridiculed. It is still judged. Even in contemporary times when difference and embracing our unique quirks is advocated far and wide via various media channels and platforms.
There still remains the status-quo of homogeneity that runs insidiously through the underbelly of society.
If it didn’t, then we wouldn’t all be required to be so courageous in being ourselves.
It feels to me like it is advocated that we embrace our true selves, but only if our unique quirkiness fits into the societal definition of appropriate quirkiness. For example, it’s cool and accepted if your uniqueness has a cool ‘hip’ quality to it. If it’s ‘trendy’ (wow, I fucking hate that word, but for lack of a better descriptive it’s staying in).
If our uniqueness can be used to generate an income, if we are able to turn it into a commodity to be exchanged upon the open market.
At least that’s my current perception. And it’s open to change, for I am somewhat contradictory in my approach to life, I am a big fan of Osho, and he welcomed contradiction. To be contrary is to be in a constant state of flux, ever-changing, flowing and adapting.
How many of us are still struggling to figure out what our own personal truth is? Let alone whether or not we are in alignment with it.
Both hands up for me.
Maybe it’s because I’m a dabbler.
An eclectic drifter. Possibly lacking in ambition (at least according to the societal definition of ambition – hungry, money driven, and plastering social media with selfies promoting ‘Brand You’).
I am not a fucking a brand.
I am not a fucking product to be marketed.
And yet, apparently I am. Anyone who wishes to earn a crust from their craft needs to create a brand, and then market the sheezus out of themselves.
Maybe I am a dysfunctional human being. There was a glitch in my evolution.
Because I’m just not feeling it.
Maybe that’s my truth. The feeling that the world built upon the selling of ourselves is absolute bullshit.
Even spirituality is a commodity now.
What the actual …?
Yet, as the old saying goes;
If you can’t beat them, join them???
My exhausted efforts of attempting to fit into molds that are not meant for me, have left me bent so out of shape that I am unable to return to my original form.
I’ll remain the bent out of shape, eclectic drifting dabbler gypsy child I was destined to be…
For now, at least.