Do you ever feel like you don’t truly fit in, like,
anywhere?
-
- All the fucking time.
Round
peg /square hole syndrome….
I
think I have been a round peg attempting to fit into square holes for the last
thirty three years; I am exhausted by the effort now.
Even
when it appears to the untrained eye that I have adapted and slotted in rather
well, I feel the gaps. I feel how I am
not snugly encased in my hole.
I
am also acutely aware of all the times when I have suddenly morphed into a square
peg only to discover that I am not even able to penetrate the now round hole I
am attempting to infiltrate.
And
I know that I am not alone in feeling this way.
There
are a plethora of articles written on this very topic. Many conclude that the reason behind not
felling as though we belong (or ‘fit’) is due to being out of alignment with
our unique truth.
Truth
is not universal.
Stephanie
Zamora penned a beautiful quote;
Whatever makes you different, that’s exactly
who you’re here to be, not someone that “fits” with everyone else.
Dr
Suess promoted the same sentiments.
Being
different ought to be embraced and celebrated.
I
think most would agree. Yet not fitting
in is still ridiculed. It is still
judged. Even in contemporary times when
difference and embracing our unique quirks is advocated far and wide via
various media channels and platforms.
There
still remains the status-quo of homogeneity that runs insidiously through the
underbelly of society.
If
it didn’t, then we wouldn’t all be required to be so courageous in being
ourselves.
It
feels to me like it is advocated that we embrace our true selves, but only if
our unique quirkiness fits into the societal definition of appropriate
quirkiness. For example, it’s cool and
accepted if your uniqueness has a cool ‘hip’ quality to it. If it’s ‘trendy’ (wow, I fucking hate that
word, but for lack of a better descriptive it’s staying in).
If
our uniqueness can be used to generate an income, if we are able to turn it
into a commodity to be exchanged upon the open market.
At
least that’s my current perception. And
it’s open to change, for I am somewhat contradictory in my approach to life, I
am a big fan of Osho, and he welcomed contradiction. To be contrary is to be in a constant state
of flux, ever-changing, flowing and adapting.
How
many of us are still struggling to figure out what our own personal truth
is? Let alone whether or not we are in
alignment with it.
Both
hands up for me.
Maybe
it’s because I’m a dabbler.
An
eclectic drifter. Possibly lacking in
ambition (at least according to the societal definition of ambition – hungry,
money driven, and plastering social media with selfies promoting ‘Brand You’).
I
am not a fucking a brand.
I
am not a fucking product to be marketed.
And
yet, apparently I am. Anyone who wishes
to earn a crust from their craft needs to create a brand, and then market the
sheezus out of themselves.
Maybe
I am a dysfunctional human being. There
was a glitch in my evolution.
Maybe.
Because
I’m just not feeling it.
Maybe
that’s my truth. The feeling that the
world built upon the selling of ourselves is absolute bullshit.
Even
spirituality is a commodity now.
What
the actual …?
Yet,
as the old saying goes;
If you can’t beat them, join them???
My
exhausted efforts of attempting to fit into molds that are not meant for me,
have left me bent so out of shape that I am unable to return to my original form.
I’ll
remain the bent out of shape, eclectic drifting dabbler gypsy child I was
destined to be…
For
now, at least.
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